A Patient Heart by Trisha Rapley...
Updated: Oct 9
If you had told me ten years ago I would be standing exactly where I am today I would've laughed at you. The enormity of life's lessons challenges and work it has taken to get to a place where everything is perfect. That's my definition of perfect I mean not yours.
"I have a sense of calm inside my soul now. I used to pray for it too, pray for these exact times where I was completely and utterly content with the person I was and the life I was living."
You must know I have grown incredibly fond of it too and I have this overwhelming need to keep it too no matter what.
I think the greatest thing that has come from my journey of self-discovery (coming home) is patience. While I can say I am one of the most patient women you'll ever meet when it comes to others but the patience I have for myself is somewhat on a different scale.
I always needed things for myself to be done yesterday. I allowed no time whatsoever for a moment's breath to plan or look at any other options. Much to the mayhem of my mind. It increased my anxiety, my obsessiveness, and my controlling behavior (future outcomes). I left myself no room for mistakes, second opinions, or even doubt.
Lacking the patience to see things until the end I would give up so easily no matter how much I wanted it. It was so disheartening to everything I worked so hard for, the time I spent, and how much passion was invested in it too. Instead of taking my time and enjoying the journey, I would just move on to something different.
I had limited capabilities in maintaining any kind of focus at all. Almost like a small child with ADHD. I was constantly getting frustrated when I couldn't find a faster way to complete things so like anything I would have a tantrum and throw in the towel. So, you can imagine how many unfinished jobs, goals, dreams, and tasks I had laying around.
I did almost every single one of them go back and have another go but once again my patience wore thin and I gave up. Over the years this has been a huge downfall to my success. When leaving so much unfinished I never felt the success of anything being completed.
The feeling you get when you have finally finished your favorite book, completed your to-do list, painted that room, done that new garden, written that book, and simply got those small jobs done around the house is nothing short of exhilarating! I really was just letting myself down; cheating myself would be the word I would use.
I can only explain it to you now that I have become patient with myself and it really is a "Look at me" moment. "Look what I did" moment. It is an overwhelming joyful feeling, a "Happy dance" moment. These are the moments I have lived for but never really knew until I learned patience. I really cheated myself in all honesty out of many feelings by not giving myself the time I needed and deserved.
While it is sad it also is a very big lesson for me and although it seems that a lot of time was wasted it really wasn't. Like I said before if you told me ten years ago I would be standing here as the woman I am there would've been laughter but also disbelief.
The woman I am now, the patient woman I am now is made up of all the lessons it took to get me here whether that be lessons of self-love, patience, understanding, growth, knowledge, and wisdom they have molded me into this extraordinary individual with wisdom to know the best way to learn things is somethings through the longest ways you can travel. "The long way around".
A Patient Heart...