There's so much more to me than what I show. Even to people who think they know me the best.
I have acquired a talent over the years to mask some very deep feelings or circumstances by projecting a very small issue in a big way.
I pull people's focus on one thing in such a way that one detail - which in turn takes away the attention of the things that I am really struggling with - leaves them blindsided.
"A diversion or deflection" you could call it.
It can be difficult to see or even know what is happening with me especially if you are looking at me.
You can't see me constantly holding my breath or the way I play with my hands. You can't see the panic in my eyes when something moves too fast or the thought of trying to get out of bed.
I use messages as a way to overwhelm the people who are close to me without even realizing I am doing it.
When you know me well you know the signs and it is easy to help out. For those of you who can't see the signs, I fear you will just feel pushed out.
There are multiple layers to my personality and the reason I am why I am. It will take one hell of a person to make me feel safe enough to let everything come out.
For those who care to know... Anxiety... It's my body's way of playing up. There is a very real reason I am holding my breath... Why the words won't come out and why I am in such an emotional state over one very small issue?
While trying to mask a much deeper issue my body refuses to hide it. So I go into massive states of anxiety. Why? Because of what is currently going on in my life I haven't felt safe enough to share it with anyone.
It is true what they say about feeling safe and I would give anything to be able to feel that way all the time but it just doesn't always work out like that.
I haven't always had a place I could go and share my most intimate things without feeling scared or judged. But I would like that more than you'll ever know.
So if there is ever a time I have shared something very deep with you know you are my safe place and I trust you more than I have anyone else before.
Please be patient with me, gentle, and understanding that I won't always be so scared to share the things that are troubling my heart.
Diversion Of The Truth...
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