Holy Battles by Trisha Rapley...
Updated: Oct 21
I decided a few months ago that I wanted to add value to my life by not decreasing the possibility of having the very best and what I deserve from God.
I didn't know it at the time but the only way that could ever occur was when I accepted all the things that didn't work out in the past were for the best and understood those lessons are what led me to grow and heal myself into a position where my faith and trust in God overrides my need to make any decisions on my own!
I realised that going to God with everything for guidance without dictating to him what I thought was the best outcome was the most valuable and irreplaceable knowledge I would ever come to obtain. Also, I needed an open heart with so much patience to learn to wait for what he had installed for me instead of moving or running to the next opportunity because it wasn't happening at the pace my ego wanted it to.
Stubbornness has got me nowhere and pride aside neither has me crying.
Each and everything that has happened to me has been because of the power of Jesus Christ because I have been patient with him and trusted him with all of my heart.
I have set aside my anxiety and calmed my heart to a level that only hope can deliver - giving God the reins of my life to steer according to his desires, not mine.
It's made all the difference and not only strengthened my faith but the hope that resides in me when I feel furthest from God. It happens, you know when we get caught up in work, home responsibilities, children, family and friends, and life in general our relationship with God remains but the strength is tested when we are distracted by all of these things.
Tonight the weight of Jesus was its heaviness in my heart and tears fell from my eyes while trying to explain to someone how important it was for me not to settle because it was a flaw so deeply embedded in me from past experiences that still needed to be healed.
Sitting on the edge of my bed with God's hands holding my breaking heart I heard him tell me "Everything is going to be ok, people have come and will continue to come back into your life because of the presence you brought into their life, they miss you, and not only is that a beautiful thing, it's ok for people to miss you because you once meant so much to them and probably still do!"
In God, I've learnt that acceptance isn't just about acknowledging the things that have happened to me but being able to process how they made me feel and allowing myself to sit with every emotion that follows in a place that is safe and loving.
This space isn't in other people or places but within my own self and energy and it's generally done alone in the quieter moments of life rather than the chaotic times life sometimes presents. It's done when I feel the closest to God so that his love helps heal and restore all that was lost while the situation occurred.
Restoring my faith in Jesus has been a slow process and I guess like any process in my life - honestly, I am a late bloomer with all the lessons I have learnt but that's ok because in the end I made it and that's what is important.
And as grateful as I am I know that Jesus was very aware that my stubbornness was what kept us apart for the most part. That's the tough part about understanding my heart it's strong-willed, determined, and highly independent.
It very rarely submits to anything or anyone and will go down fighting the entire time but once it has been won over it will be forever given to the person or the situation that won it! A loyal thing; my heart, stubborn but full of passion, and graced with life-changing love laced with God's love and light.
Tonight's battle was won with the grace of God's love in my heart and the strength of the Lion that lies within me. It wasn't easy but my faith in God got me through and that's how every battle is won, one at a time and with God by my side.