Loving Reminder by Trisha Rapley...
Updated: Oct 21
If you ever find a moment where you can no longer find me please know it had nothing to do with the love I had for you. I loved you more than myself some days.
I gave you more than I ever gave myself. The times I was there when I couldn't stand or bear to share how much I was hurting, I need you to know that's how much I cared.
I still found a way to make you smile even if it was just for a little while. The times you said "I love you" and all I could say back was "Love you" it should've been then you realised how distant we really were. Our connection will never be measured in days or numbers.
Not in the gesture of help or the things that you gave. It will be in the moments I came to you with joy and you had no happiness for me. If I suddenly disappear out of sight and I am no longer on your friend list.
If the phone rings out or you can't get through at all know it took so long for me to have the courage to know I deserved more. I would never ask you to stay if you felt this way and all I ask is you let me go quietly.
The last thing I need from you is to keep whatever is left in memories of our time as friends... I can't explain anymore how much it hurts not to have you there or how many times I have wanted to call but knew I couldn't.
Please know I've reached the absolute limit of my belief in hope before this time. I hope you could love me the way I needed and support me in a way that wasn't about you or how much I owed. It's my hope you will one day see that love was all I needed.
To be seen as a treasure and not as a burden. To be cherished for the beautiful soul I am. If you think of me when I am gone I hope it's in a wonderful way that makes your heart smile.
Please know how much strength it has taken for me to be right here on the edge of letting go. Please understand I have no problems loving your memory without having to love you at all. Your memory is what I have chosen because it will never take away the part of you I loved the most.
I am not angry or sad anymore and I guess that is the reason I am able to let go. And if I can tell you just one last thing before I go.
It was the distance my heart needed to see that you are no good for me. The time spent alone just reassuring myself I am not okay with whatever love you want to give. So, as you read this little note remember this had nothing to do with all the love I have for you.
It was about me becoming a person who had no room in her heart for anyone who couldn't love me fully. The weight of being your friend and family was too heavy for my soul to carry on. And in order to live, I needed to let this love die.
And as it continues to burn so deep inside me I am being set free and truly accepting of how I am meant to be loved.