Not Yet, But Held Psalm 34:18 - Personal Blog of Trisha Rapley, Australian Author.

Maybe I knew before today.

Before the words ever stopped arriving the way they used to. Before silence learned how to sit between us. It came as a tightness in my chest, a quiet warning my body carried long before my mind was ready to name it.

Maybe it was the distance between replies, the way conversations that once stretched for hours began to fold in on themselves, shorter, thinner, less alive. Momentum doesn’t disappear loudly, it drifts. And I felt the drift before I could explain it.

Something had changed.

Not dramatically.

Not cruelly.

Just enough to be felt more than seen.

And as much as I understand that connections end, that seasons close without asking permission, the pain does not lessen simply because it is familiar.

The ache of something ending, when we wanted it to work so badly, cuts deeper as it echoes an old wound, we thought had healed.

Because this was always the longing of my heart: to be exactly what someone needed, to fit not by force, but by divine alignment. To be the other half of a soul’s search. To be the answer to a prayer someone didn’t know how to pray yet.

But more than that, I wanted to be the blessing God sent that could be recognised, honoured, and protected.

And still, I hold no anger.

No bitterness.

No resentment.

Because loss does not always require blame. Sometimes a connection fades not because anyone failed, but because it was never meant to carry forever.

So, I stand here, bruised, but open. Tender, but brave.

My door not slammed shut, my heart not hardened by disappointment.

Because wanting to love and wanting to be loved has never been weakness. It has always been courage.

And in all of this, I remember the truth that steadies me: when human love falters, God does not. When others hesitate, He remains. He loves without reason, without conditions, without the need for me to earn or prove or perform.

He accepts me because that is who He is.

And if this moment was a “no,” it is not the final word. God’s timing has never been limited to one season, one connection, one closed door.

If not now, then soon.

If not this way, then a better one.

Someone will come, not to complete me, but to walk with me, because God sent them.

Until then, I stay focused on becoming whole.

Rooted.

Anchored.

So deeply grounded in God that any man who finds me next will have had to find God first. And any man who chooses me will understand that to love me means standing on holy ground.

This time was “not yet.”

But it will not always be “no.”

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Lord,

I bring You the ache I cannot explain, the endings I wanted to work, the connections I hoped would last, the places where disappointment touched old wounds I thought had healed.

You see the tightness in my chest, the questions I don’t speak out loud, the courage it takes to keep my heart open when it would be easier to close it.

Sit with me here, Lord.

Hold what I cannot carry alone.

Heal the places in me that still long to be chosen,

and remind me that I already am, by you, fully and without condition. Teach me to trust Your timing

when my heart feels impatient, and to believe that “not yet” is never the same as “never.”

Root me so deeply in you that I do not chase what is not meant to stay. Prepare me for the love You are shaping, the kind that recognises, protects, and honours what You have already been healing in me.

Until then, give me peace in the waiting, strength in the becoming, and faith to know that nothing was wasted, not the love, not the loss, not the lessons You are still turning into beauty.

I place my heart back into Your hands.

Keep it soft.

Keep it brave.

Keep it Yours.

Amen.

Not Yet, But Held Psalm 34:18 - Personal Blog of Trisha Rapley, Australian Author.

Not Yet, But Held Psalm 34:18 - Personal Blog of Trisha Rapley, Australian Author.