Remembering How It Felt by Trisha Rapley...
Updated: Oct 21
I brought every book I had ever written because it was about you and my love for you.
Of course, because I was proud too, but I needed to feel you again for the most part. Somehow amongst life and healing myself into a better woman I forgot how it all began.
I had lost the reasoning behind the writing what my heart was captured and inspired by in the beginning and how it felt to love again. It's not because I had ever stopped loving or wanting you it was just life and things getting in the way, as it does at times.
Life is different for me now I don't need to write as much, there are a lot fewer tears, and less craziness in my mind. I found when I wrote about you it helped to keep me balanced at the time but now that I look back all I had to do was listen to my heart and it would be all the reassurance I ever needed to know what I felt for you was real and true.
I guess that's all part of the journey. You appreciate the roads you took even if at the time they were the longest and with the toughest lesson but one thing has been solid and certain the entire journey was you and how much I loved you.
Somehow I continued to believe no matter what I was facing or who was in my life at the time that I could be happier than ever before while living a life full of love for you. It wasn't an ache or hurting, it was a missing, a knowing, a certainty that no matter where I was at the time you were what made me complete, that final piece of the puzzle, and regardless of what was happening I knew, in the end, we would find our way back to each other even if right now we weren't together in life only in our hearts.
Six sense, absolutely. I just know and I can't explain it but I am pulled/drawn to you in ways I'll never understand. In all honesty, I think that's how you know, you can't explain it to people when they ask because unless they've felt it too they'll never appreciate or understand it for what it is true love.
I knew I wasn't crazy for feeling this way when I explained it to someone who found true love. They understood that the heart wants what the heart wants regardless of the tough times that may lay ahead for each of them.
I watched as his eyes lit up when I tried to explain to him. He knew exactly what I was talking about because he too had found that sacred love in his "Twinflame" too. He knew in his journey he wasn't alone because I came forward and shared my story.
It was a moment of absolute relief for me because this entire time I thought I was crazy for feeling so strongly for another person that I would go to the end of this earth for them and us while doing whatever it took to better myself along the way.
I knew I wasn't alone with this and that there were people just like me out there going through the same trials and healing while loving someone they never saw themselves with until the day they met.
This rare conversation changed everything entirely for me. My focus changed and I went even deeper within myself to do whatever was left for me to be the woman Jesus created me to be. Of course, there is still doubt I am human but my belief and my faith in Jesus prevails every time it creeps in.
For me, Jesus has been my secret weapon. Holding on to him through everything knowing he'll never leave has given me courage only found in his grace! Grounded by the overwhelming acceptance that he loves and forgives me even when I haven't been able to forgive myself I am still standing here today!
I know without the man who holds my heart I would be standing in a very different position today. I know that in my journey my success is because I did the work but it was inspired in the very beginning by one person and carried by many after that.
He is and always has been the love of my life and like Jesus, nothing will ever compare to him. There's a void when I am away from them both and a calm reassurance when they are close. They are equally understanding and loving without ever making me feel any less than I am.
And my heart has room for both but Jesus will always come first and that's the only way I can ever love when I put Jesus first. It means that the love I give comes from a place of purity, forgiveness, understanding, and loyalty.
So, as I turn every single page reading the words I wrote to you and
about you many years ago to the last book I am currently writing I'll remember every reason why I am here today you being the biggest.
And who knows maybe just around the corner life for us will be everything Jesus promised us.
Remembering How It Felt...