The Beginning Of New Ways by Trisha Rapley...
Updated: Oct 21
I was told once by an extraordinary person that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing and expecting the same results.
It was one of the greatest moments for me! Those words have been a part of my life since and the value they have added to my life has been exceptional. I guess you can say they helped forge the past few months too.
I promised things would be different, for myself and for my beautiful children, and I don't break promises. So today instead of being heartbroken from not being able to afford gifts for all of my children I gave them memories instead. I decided not to cry but to smile at the blessings that Jesus placed inside my children's hearts.
It's through them I gain the strength to continue and despite my inability to provide them with the things they deserve, I gave them so much more showing them how strong and brave I was today.
So grateful they were too, thanking me for such a beautiful day! The gifts were the furthest things from their minds and while they enjoyed the love I gave them I knew everything was going to be ok because I had them and they had me.
I will tell you, it was an uncomfortable conversation that took place trying to explain that I would never just buy one child's gifts and not the others. We are an all-in family, never is anyone left out and they all bravely agreed to wait until the time was right for me to give them the gifts they wanted and asked for, which mind you was "nothing".
Did I feel like I had failed as a mother, absolutely I did but my faith in Jesus helped me hold my head high without any shame at all. I have spent so many years punishing myself for thinking I didn't provide enough because I thought that my children needed material things when really all they ever need is me and the love only I can give to them.
And I think that is definitely the only way through things, it is with courage, strength, and love in one hand while Jesus holds the other. I know for me it's got me through the toughest of situations and today was one of those days!
I stand a different woman after today which so you know now is Christmas Day 2022. Stronger, braver, and definitely healed beyond a point I never thought I would see. In previous years I would have been in a much darker place. Yes, I have been sad and for the most part this last couple of weeks I have cried myself to sleep at night but I made it through, and regardless of what you may think you know or understand about me, that is a miracle.
I have given myself a space to feel everything rather than running from everything this time of year makes me feel. I have been able to move through it all with grace and an understanding that everything the Lord doesn't want for me will eventually leave and if it doesn't Jesus will move it for me.
Saying I am blessed or even that I am grateful can never justify how I truly feel about each moment Jesus has answered my prayers or saved me from the things that have destroyed me or been harmful to my children. But somehow without even having to ask twice, he has been my saviour, and the reason I am able to continue my journey.
I know today is never about what we can give or receive, it's about the love we choose to share and who we share it with and that is what matters the most. If my children take something from the struggles I have faced as their mum let it be that faith is what you need more than anything and love is what saves us every time!
I want my children to remember hearing me praise and thank Jesus for not bringing any rain today so we could sit at the beach and enjoy the sun on our faces, or for thanking Jesus for the safe trip in the car both to and from the beach, or for praying that their big sister is ok and not sad without us today, or for the ability to forgive family and share the joy of our Christmas adventure today.
My faith is everything to me and what I want most from life is for my children to understand it makes the mother I am for them and without it, I wouldn't be the mother I am today. I want them to know that my faith saved my life more than once and it keeps me here with them instead of leaving this world and them behind.
I want them to have the courage to open their heart to Jesus and pray to him not just in times of need but every day because their lives are far better with his love being a part of it.
I want to be the pillar of strength they choose to be like but through serving Jesus just as I have so they are never lost in the darkness being without Jesus in their lives brings. I want them to have an honest way of living but also a real way of living because let's be honest life is tough and there will always be doubt but when Jesus is in your life there will always be hope!
Today was about faith but also hope! I want my children to see the whole truth without thinking they aren't loved! Because they are and it may take some time before they can appreciate the things I do in the hope of saving them but I know one day they will and nothing I have ever sacrificed would've been for nothing!
The Beginning Of New Ways...