I've never really been good at goodbyes. They leave a sadness I just can't seem to get over. But it's closure and I guess that is something.
When people leave as the date approaches I nearly hold my breath the entire time. Fearful of what I can say to make it hurt less.
Of course, I remain hopeful that we will see each other but at the time I have a sadness in my heart that is too much to bear.
But things are different with you I find profound happiness in the possibility of saying goodbye to you. Sure there will be tears but I know where you are headed and my happiness for you outweighs the sadness I get.
It's a saddened happiness knowing you'll be in the place your heart needs to be the most. I want your happiness most of all, now and always if that means it can't be here with me I am okay with that.
What's a little more time apart to see you happy? "Not too much at all." Of course, I have asked you to stay; I was grabbing those words as they were leaving my mouth knowing how selfish it was to ask.
But I see no harm in trying. I am praying that before you leave you remember me and come and see me. Just so we can touch or have a quick kiss or a hug that feels like it lasts for years.
I know I'll be ok then especially when I see your smiling face. It will be enough to carry me through until the next time we can do it again.
But I do understand some things are just too hard and saying goodbye may not be what you want to do and that's ok too.
I am going to miss you more than I normally do frankly I miss you already...
Goodbyes...
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