I have been told by many people in the past "You're brutally honest!" and there was so much truth in that. But as I grew older and things happened in life I became further and further from that person....
Yes, it was true. People loved the honesty I gave them when they came to me. They knew exactly where my heart was when I spoke to them. There was never a part of my heart that wanted my words to be harmful or misunderstood and the people in my life knew that...
I wasn't that kind of person. I loved and adored the people in my life and no matter how tough it was at times I was honest (brutally honest). Even though I knew they would be upset the respect I had for them always outweighed the respect I would have lost in myself for not being truthful.
In saying that today I still trying to recover that part of myself. Somewhere along the way, I lost that solid part of being brutally honest with the people around me. Out fear? Yes! Fear has played a massive part in this...
You see when events happen in life I mean the kind of events that break people's souls so much of who you are (the good, solid parts) gets lost. You get covered by so much shit and other people's opinions you just aren't the person you are meant to be...
I stopped telling the truth because it became habitual to me because my circumstances had changed and so did I. I forced myself to be more dishonest in myself than honest. Why? Seeing others hurt, hurt me. It was less painful to hurt myself than them but I also got caught up in a world of no self-worth, no self-love, and no care about what things were doing to my soul...
This is the truth. I can't bear watching people hurt it weighs so heavily on me but what I couldn't see at the time was that you should never sacrifice your own heart to save others. That is exactly what I did. I continued to tell people what they wanted to hear because I thought they would continue to love and care about me.....
What it really did was let them disrespect the real person I was. The honest, good-hearted person I was because no one that ever loved me, I mean truly loved me would allow me to be anything less than I was....
When we love someone's friend or family we are honest whether it hurts their feelings or not. They trust us to be the person they can come to for advice, for confidence, and for the moments they question their own judgment...
We should never call them family or friends if we can't give them that level of respect. So if you ask me to be honest with you and then get upset at me for doing exactly that please remember that when I say I love you it is an oath to you, to the amount of respect I have for you and how much you mean to me....
The level of my honesty is equivalent to the amount of love I have for you. I will never ever mean to hurt you and when you know who I am you'll know that but never ever ask for my honesty if lying to you is what you need...
I will bring truth to the table every time more so if I know who you are but you refuse to see. I will hold the mirror of honesty up to your face and remind you of your truths. I will be the reminder you need when you are lying to yourself. I will always be that one person who stays because I know you will one day see that I am merely doing what you asked...
It really just takes that one person who is truthfully honest with you. Who above all else stays no matter how hard you push or refuse to see the truth? A person who sees through your bullshit!!! I am that person...
I will never be that person who puts a good person or their heart online to just keep the piece. If you at the beginning of meeting me set boundaries, rules or an agreement know that your words are felt, heard, and believed to be that of truth and complete honesty. Because I am the kind of woman who believes you when you tell me you are honest even though I see you for everything you are...
The person who tells fake truths, dishonest words, and lies to fill your ears never will I be her... You will get the truth because the truth is what I seek from you. Please remember that when I ask for the truth you will do the same for me and if you can't I am sorry there is just no place for you in my heart...
I would rather you stand there a say it straight to face (honestly) than tell me lies to keep me by your side. I am not talking about fake truths I am talking about truths that tear your heart open...
The kind of truths only strong people can handle...
Honest Heart...
Comments