Through God's Eyes - Personal blog of Trisha Rapley, Australian Author.

I've never been a person who required much, nor have I ever expected much or asked for much, forever walking around with my heart on my shoulders for everyone to see and feel, even as a little girl.

I have never placed a cage around my love for others, nor did I do the same to theirs for me, rather believing love should be free, both given and received.

Throughout my life have given so unconditionally and so immeasurably to everyone and everything, at times forgetting that I, too, deserve the love and care I give so freely to the people of this world.

Not because I focus on what kind of love and support I can receive as a result of my willingness to love without boundaries, but rather because I am a person too.

It could possibly be that in all the times of putting other people first, I forget with love there's a level of respect that follows right behind it, and this is no one's fault but my own for forgetting this at times.

I see love as a sacrifice, as understanding, and as acceptance and I have missed the vital parts of that my whole life, which leaves me accepting the behaviours of others who don't meet me halfway, those who make excuses every time I've not be thought of or forgotten, and those of which that have left me wondering do you even love or care for me at all?

I have chosen people because of the representation they are in my life rather than based on their loyalty to me as a whole and to my children.

I have put aside saying the things that would build strong and healthy boundaries around my mind and heart to prevent a rift or hurting someone else's heart, rather than sacrificing mine instead and over the years, it has been at my cost.

I have fallen short of the woman God intended me to be because I have forgiven those I have loved but not guarded my heart, the precious thing it is, leaving me with a hardened and closed heart.

I have used the sadness of not being loved and cared for, or even thought about staying instead of walking away. I have accepted less than God intended for me to accept, thinking this was love.

I have forgotten that through it all, my children have seen me accepting what is not love and what I thought it was and is. I don't want them to live in a world where loyalty to anything is at the cost of their own worth and what they deserve.

Love is accountability, it's a responsibility, so much so that we should always think about others just as much as ourselves, but always guard our hearts no matter how much a person means to us while remembering it's choosing people who choose us not just once but over and over again and without judgement or a cost to us.

Because love is and always will be unmeasured by the things we give to others rather by what we can do for them instead.

Love is how we make people feel, not what is given in material things; it's time, your time, it's understanding how an action can make the other person feel while accepting your accountability in it all.

It's saying "I love you" and "I am going to fix this instead of leaving", "I'm going to make the effort and do better", it's saying "I'm sorry", it's saying "I'm all in no matter what is required of me to fix or change", and it's NEVER allowing anyone to feel like they don't matter.

It's the small messages, the thought behind the sent cards or parcels, it's the phone call made even though you're run off your feet, it's the comment on posts shared for your benefit, it's remembering that your one small act could be the only kind act that person has received today.

Time always reveals what's real and the truth; it shows us how much a person cares and what your connection means to them.

Time also teaches us when a door must close. Life is not life without endings and beginnings, and we can't have one without the other, although it's never just as simple as closing the door, especially for me. Please never forget that my door was open for all the times you needed and wanted, while your door was just ajar, restricting the love and care you gave us.

I pray that if in your life you realise that things should've been different for you towards us, it doesn't hurt, nor do you have any anger in your heart for not seeing the signs before that day.

Your happiness means everything to me, so much so that I will always pray for it for you, but from a distance where it is safe for me to do so.

Please remember loving and putting you first at times was never a question; it was the only answer because your happiness meant more to me than my own, because you matter and you're loved so deeply by me.

Loyalty is an unconditional way of telling someone "I love you", an action of the heart and something that requires no words at times.

Through God's Eyes - Personal blog of Trisha Rapley, Australian Author.

Through God's Eyes - Personal blog of Trisha Rapley, Australian Author.